Strange Cup of Tea

Sometimes I wake with a weary head and
I wonder how I'll ever get through
Then I think of the things you said
how you told me to myself be true

My faith in things unseen,
My belief that it'll all work out
May seem like a strange cup of tea
but if its all right with you 
Then it's all right with me 
Oh my feet I walk, with my legs I run
In my arms I'll hold another day
With my head I think, from my heart I sing
And with my hand to my face I pray.

-Sister Hazel

My life is hectic.  If you remotely even know me you know that I try to fill up every possible second of every day with something to do (even when it seems like I have nothing to do). I HATE boredom! I can't stand it so much that I will do anything to escape it.  So in this past year with my graduation from college and unemployment you can imagine that I have a LOT of free time on my hands. (I seriously have seen almost every episode of every show on ABC, FOX, and the CW).  So like most Americans, even amongst my attempted hectic schedule I usually make excuses on why I don't have time to work out. 

This past year I was a gym/work out fanatic.  At one point I was going 6 days a week even twice a day. Woof! But then as a result of my "hectic schedule" I too fell off the wagon and succumbed to the delicious chocolate, peanut butter and cheese that overtakes my life!!  Needless to say I'm getting back on the saddle. So far this week I worked out three times so far- and while my body is sore and hurts even to the touch I feel relatively good that I got out there and moved. However do not fear loyal readers I still like every relatively normal human being have my moments where I say to myself 

What the fuck was I thinking?!?!?

• On Tuesday when I did P90X plyometrics (supposedly this is the hardest one in the group!)
• On Wednesday when I decided to go for a run with my 14 year old dog (who didn't move the rest of the day because she was so tired that I seriously thought I was going to be responsible for her death!)  -If I thought that I couldn't move Tuesday night I could barely bend down to kneel at church Wednesday night. (And yes I said church! I'm starting to go again!) 
• On Thursday (aka St. Patty's Day- my favorite holiday) when I decided to give up drinking!
• On Friday when I thought it would be a great idea to go running with this kid:

     at 5:00 in the MORNING!!!

I seriously was like "Ohh no big deal I'll walk/jog while he runs" (and then I can cheat and go home early if I can't do the whole thing)..... NOPE -He went with my pace the whole time and made me go the whole 3 miles around downtown Columbus! (which honestly wouldn't have been so bad if I would have worn the right shoes because now I have blisters :/ ) Note to self: Gym shoes DO NOT EQUAL  running shoes!! My gym shoes that I have worn to the gym this whole past year obviously haven't been broken in enough to go running..... poor poor feet!

• Tomorrow because I agreed to go running with him again in the morning.... : ]

Although I have a lot of WTF moments like why I thought it was ever okay to be a smoker and try to run?!? Yeahh.... not a good mix or why tonight I had pizza for dinner?! Hmm.....

Even though this week has been rough and I can barely walk... I am thinking about how much better I'm going to feel at the end of this. How awesome its going to be leaving for Key Largo a little less heavier than I am now! Oh yeah- and of course how jealous all you BETCHES will be of my new sexy body at the end of this!!!  I knew my mind was in the right place ; ) 

So whatever your excuse may be get rid of it and look at the ultimate goal. There is no way that you can't find time out of your day to take care of yourself, even if it is at 5 AM!

Until next time lovers, 

Meesh

Resurrection.

You see I died a thousand times since you left me
And I stared down the barrel of a thousand loaded guns
I caught a midnight ride on a fast train headed somewhere
To be born again with the rising of the Southern sun
To be born again with the rising of the Southern sun
I am your Southern son.... Resurrection!
-Bleu Edmondson


Why is it that I always fall for the wrong guys?  Not like they are terrible men, bad boys, or even tools... my problem is that I fall for men WHO ARE NOT INTERESTED IN ME.   Yes ladies, what I'm talking about is unrequited love.... my expertise.  I mean did you give me any indication that you were interested in me besides the fact that you were nice to me? NO.

Yes good sir -you do pay for my meals on occasion (because you know how ridiculously poor I am) but does that mean that I should get a tattoo of you on my lower back and start planning our wedding?!? And maybe yes, you have done incredibly sweet things for me like fix my car, help me with some technical issues or bring a bottle of wine to my party BUT unlike any normal human being who would say that he is "sweet" or a "good boy" I decide to picture my future with you and how many children we will have!!  Ughhh what is wrong with me?!?

I have much too much common sense to continue in this inevitable heartache when I can and should easily recognize what a "I'm not interested" is.  I will no longer excuse your busyness for a good work ethic or bad timing.  I will not be made a fool of again.  I will not pursue you anymore mister!  I want to be pursued and wooed and so help me, if that means that I am the old cat lady until I'm 65 and it takes a man to realize my worth then that is what I will wait for! Its time for a resurrection of myself. 

So instead of shoving my face full of chocolate to deal with this small depression that has occurred since my recent (and re-occurring) realization I am going to work on myself and my goals for my life.

This is me. 

And one more because I love myself. A lot. 

Okay so I am 300 pounds. Yes I know- you can tell me that I carry it well or that I don't need lose weight or that I am beautiful (don't worry I know it!) but regardless I need to get fit and healthy.  I am sick of feeling sorry for myself, not believing that I CAN make a change, or that I am STRONG enough to stick to this program. There are so many things in my life that I have no control over, so many decisions, actions, reactions, and conclusions that I can't make go my way or change the outcome of but  I can change what I put into my body and I can change how often I exercise.  So here are my goals.

1. I'm going to STOP putting crap into my body.  Yes that means...... inhale - No more ALCOHOL.... exhale. This is going to be rough. Just breathe Michelle. Just breathe!  Its not that I am a alcoholic is just that if I want to be serious about this then I need to cut out the extra carbs. Regardless of what program you go on alcohol is the worse thing and the most useless points (weight watchers shout out - whoot woo) that you can do if your trying to lose weight.  On top of this I am going to cut back on my two loves. Cheese and peanut butter!! 

 

Ohh god how I love them. Not together but individually on anything and everything. Just saying.  (Sidenote: I'm going to cut back on a lot of other things too but I don't feel the need that you need to know these things and I'm just naming a few of my biggest obstacles to start...)

2. I'm going to start working out.... again.  I no longer have my pass to Lifetime Fitness -ugh how I miss you.... BUT with the weather getting nicer and the birds out a chirping I'm hoping to get back into my running shoes and start getting that heart rate up!

3. I'm going to work more on myself.  My health, my sanity, my relationship with the big man upstairs.... Its all about re-centering, re-clarifying things, out with the bad and in with the good.  I'm going to do everything in moderation and taking it one day at a time.  

End result: I wanna look like this. 

Haha just kidding!  Considering that I don't have an ass- just a back connected to a hole, I couldn't even get that if my whole front side moved to my back side. But I wouldn't mind looking like this... 

Golden Globe included. 

But in a all serious note- while I'm working on myself I challenge you all to work on yourselves.  None of us are perfect and we can all use a little fine tuning every once in awhile. 

Stay tuned kiddos... if only to get a new life changing amazing song per post.  ; ) 

Peace, 

Meesh

War of my life.

I'm not running
I'm not scared
I am waiting and well prepared

All the suffering
And all the pain
Never left her name

I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
I've got no choice but to fight 'til it's done.
So fight on, fight on everyone, fight on...
                                               -John Mayer


Hooookay so.....
I have been thinking for quite some time that I will start blogging. There have been a few reasons behind this crazy yet exciting undertaking that have hindered my starting this but also encouraged me to do so.

Numero uno:  The thought that my information will be out on public access kinda scares me.  There are creepers out there. Serious face. But then again, I'm thinking that if I get more then 5 followers I will be legit because I can't really imagine a bunch of people wanting to read this.

Dos: If I do continue with this and finish the project that I am hoping to achieve there will at time be some very vulnerable information on this... and in case you don't know me I may seem like a very open and outgoing person but there are few people out there who I really open up to... and no your probably not one of them. Sorry kids.

Anywhooo- Despite the scary and creepy facts, I have had a few of my friends that have started blogging and I just love reading their blogs and random thoughts that hit their brains at various times in their lives.  But I also like the idea that people blog about their goals in their lives or monumental changes that they are trying to make in their lives and sharing their stories..... So with that being said this is going to be a little bit of both.

I have for my whole entire life struggled with my weight.  Its not something that I talk about with people but it is something that has bothered me for quite some time.  Recently I tried out for The Biggest Loser and in writing my application and making my video I have discovered a few more things about me.  I have for the past year been really trying to lose weight, I mean really trying.  I have had trainers, paid for a gym membership, got a bunch of test done, have been on every diet made, even considered surgery but to no avail nothing stuck- I mean really something that I have stuck with. As I was sitting here analyzing why I haven't achieved my goals that I have set for myself I realize that I have no accountability to anything.  I mean seriously- I can think of 20 reasons why this or that hasn't worked but at the end of the day when I see the weight come off and then go right back on I think to myself "Well shit.... who cares anymore lets go get some beers." I don't have enough people telling me to not give up.  If fact I don't really tell anyone that I am trying to work on my "weight issue" but I'm thinking that if I put it out there, really make it public of what I'm doing then I will feel some accountability to something other than myself.  I mean what's the harm right?!  So thats what I'm going to do.  This blog will track my goals, struggles, successes and yes at times failures.  I'm giving myself a year.  One year in the life to make the physical, mental and emotional change that I am wanting and needing for my life. I'm also just going to write about anything that may come to my mind because yes, I like hearing myself talk. Problems? I didn't think so. 


So stay tuned all of my two readers.  I'm in the war of my life and I'm gonna fight till its done.  :) 

xoxo
Meesh


*Sidenote: I am comma crazy- I love to use then all at the inappropriate times.  I also am bad with grammar, run-on sentences, love using "!" and I don't speak spanish but like to use it when I feel like it... So if grammar mistakes/ misspelled words bothers you -STOP reading now!  I will not apologize from here on out, this is my blog and thus my world. <3